As the year ends

Looks like it has been a while since I have posted. Things are not looking good for people with my name. I could change it but I think that is only a short term band-aid on the problem called life. Yes that role in which I was unwittingly cast and have no creative control or residuals. The day when my show gets cancelled may be soon. I do not know if I will be glad or not. Anyway, I still make the curtain call each day like a good trooper. I am hoping to be held over in a good city one of these days but probably not.

Along the lines of things that I distinctively don't do (but have been doing them lately) I started a facebook account. I also got myself a fancy new phone along with a fancy monthly bill. I also now wear long sleeve shirts but hopefully that is just utilitarian.

The Concert, a New Life

Well, I went to a concert at the House of Blues. The last concert I went to was there also. I learned some valuable lessons. I guess that I have been trying to connect to my former self. Both of these concerts involved bands that I listened to in high school. I went to many concerts in high school but not to all of the bands that I had liked.

Most recently was Hole. First off, I should have 'googled' Courtney Love, as opposed to Hole for obvious reasons. Things have changed. Live Through This, an album from Hole, is the album that I have listened to the most. (The second most is Canadian Amp by Neko Case) When I was in high school, Hole was an all girl band. You can call them punk or even alternative as was a popular term at the time. Maybe similar to (or not) Veruca Salt and Letters to Cleo, also excellent bands.

Well, I was surprised to see the differences. Actually, the first thing that I was surprised by was the people that showed to the show. I expected mostly folks such as myself, of course some a few years older that were old enough to be in the clubs that Courtney and Kurt played together in. But there was a mix of folks. Some a bit old and some young. There were some young girls there and I wonder how they got turned on to the greatness that is (or was) Hole. I expected to get chatty with a lady or two but was surprised with that denial; which was soon explained. See, the closest person to a girl that the band has is Courtney; all the other members are guys. Also, the musical style was different. No longer punk or alternative but more hard rock. The closest thing to punk was that Courtney did not want to play her own songs; at least the ones that made her famous. After the first three songs in the set, two of which were covers, she cussed the crowd for wanting to hear the old school. She of course played quite a few of these as well as some more covers and some newer songs. She purports to be quite proud of her new album. The other shocker was that Courtney now bats for the pink team. This explained a lot. She has garnered a bunch of new followers just through this admission. (also explained why I was striking out with the ladies)

Overall, it was a great show. I just wish that I was more prepared for it. Much more prepared. It seems that due to financial matters, the train schedule has been cut back. However, nobody bothered to tell me. I spent quite a while waiting for a train that was not coming.

South Park tells it all.

What Started Your Day?

Do you ever wonder why you woke up this morning? As I round out my day I am wondering this. Though not a problem since my day is behind, a ponderance looms large. Why will I wake up tomorrow? I do not know. I do like money but one day is just a drop in the bucket. I can go where I went today and hopefully see the same beauty and leave with the same question.

But my roving thought for the day. Did you watch the new show Dallas Divas and Daughters?

What Life May Bring

If I only had a dollar for every time a student said that I had confused them. Of course, I get paid much more than that but a few more bucks never hurt. My students really seem to confuse themselves. Somehow, that becomes my fault because I am not telling them the correct answer. But then I go to my graduate course at night and get a dose of the same. So life, at least seems to be symmetrical if not centrifugal. I just want to get to the good stuff. I hear that I am young but I feel too old to be taking $#&@ from kids half my age.

But what really would happen if they understood me? Epiphany or travesty?

The Days

It is nice to have some time off. Actually, I still have work to do but I have not gone to work in 4 days. I am contemplating not going back at all. But I most likely will go back tomorrow. I kind of like money and so do the people who constantly send me bills.

The time off that I do hopefully have coming up will be nice. I need some time to sort some things out. Maybe make some decisions and such. Or I just might chill and forget about making decisions, plans, and the like.

Is This Really My Life??

The other day while I was mailing off some more of my blood earned money, I noticed something interesting. There was a crazy, homeless dude at the post office. He was just standing there at the counter and speaking. He looked disheveled yet dignified. His verbal content showed a higher level of cognition. It was almost as if he was giving a college level socioeconomic lecture. Nobody was there, yet out he spoke. His content was quite relevant. Yet nobody was listening.

This relates back to me. I talk a lot and teach my students; at least that is what it seems like. But they do not listen to me. It is like they just humor me or tolerate my presence in the room. This makes me wonder if I will one day be the guy standing somewhere delivering some lesson about something that folks cared not to hear about.

What do you think?

More to Laugh At?

Day of all Days

Well this day was not turning out so well. I had two interviews and 130+ miles to drive just to get to the first. I, of course, did so. The first went ok, but of course I have to await a call for another interview. I was not quite on my time schedule so I did not have time, like I planned to cruise about south Dallas like I wanted. I checked into some housing and said hello to a couple of friends. I looked into again joining a mission agency. I feel that it might be advantageous to do so now as opposed to when I was actually near ready to go abroad. But, as it comes down to it, I am not sure of what to do.

One thing that I have been thinking of and noticing lately is the futility of life. I mean, that people are by large sheep, cattle, and the like. People, by large, lack the ability (intelligence is my word) to think for themselves. They think that people that think for themselves and do not adapt to standards are just plain wrong. But to see this in every piece of life seems to pull me down and I start to wonder about a lot of things. It sends me to places that I do not want to be. Life is hard enough without the overall thinking of uselessness and futility.

But to the point of how this day took a turn for the better. After the bogusness was done with, I cruised to check out a movie and hit up my favorite bar in north Dallas. Well, the theater now charges $10 so I just went to the bar. I checked in to see what they had on tap and I almost passed out. They had my favorite beer on tap!!!! I became overjoyed (in spirit anyway). I have been waiting for 5 and a half years to throw back a cold one of my favorite beer. It just became available in Texas (I know we are actually behind the times here). Soon, (I doubt it though) we may be able to get it in East Texas. At any rate, I will have to try to make it to north Dallas to get some more creamy, frothy goodness.

Here Now

What is has been going on lately? I not quite am sure!

Life trucks by at a mediocre pace as I sit by the roadside. I wait, then nothing particular happens. Occasionally something great does happen. But those are just individual occurrences that do not carry over into the next moment. I am getting to the point where I do not have anything but the hope that I carry. A hope that I know is just a few thoughts that exist as electronic impulses in my soon to be (if not already) degrading brain. Things do not always even seem straight to me and I am left wondering what footing I am actually upon. I cannot decide which way to go. Life keeps rolling out the same way and I find myself thinking along the same lines and to deviate still seems like an unviable option.

What to does?

Whoah...

I thought of how I should start off my new year. I could not come up with much so I decided to go Dutch. Obviously no pun intended since such a thing would be a happy occurrence. I had some almond flavored Dutch windmill cookies and Dutch malted gin. Well, I did not have those two together, but both appealed to me. The gin did actually come from Netherlands. They were great ways to start off my new year of discovery. My first discovery was that I did not get the dream job that was dangled in front of me a few weeks ago. The kicker being that I came out ahead in duckets for said accosational interview; it being but another glimpse into the world of things that I so desire but can never but yet dream to think about grasping.



Enjoy.

Gogol is the Man

Even from a young age Gogol was direct. In a letter to a chum he lists those around him in a vegetative state. He dreaded being one of these normal folks stuck in some small town. It sounds a lot like most people. From what I have seen in life, a lot of people are constantly struggling to be free the curse that Gogol feared. This might might be more true in America where everyone dreams of grandeur. And even more people come here and stand in line to get their share of the rich inheritance, unaware that they are drawing it from the account of someone else who then has no choice but to live the obscure curse, sometimes in a destitute state.

"I dread the thought that fate may cast me into some Godforsaken hole and make me play the part of a nobody in the world."

I know for me that this has been true. I may not seek the lead role in the stage of life. But all the same I do not seek to live a life of drudgery. All of that of course seems to be judged and determined by me, for me. So, being ever bound by the curse, no matter what transpires in my script of life, I may bind myself to believing that I have inherited the curse.

But that may or may be the case for other people who fall into the same lot in life. So, maybe not themself, but then who or what binds them to the curse. On the other hand, there are those that Gogol spoke, who vegetate. They are happy to live in that small hole of a place and do only the minuscule and little of that. How one can live that way, I do not know. How one can live with trying to defy the curse the other would also not know if they pondered such things. But it seems to me that the two types of people can scarcely live together. Also, they most likely cannot be in close contact for to long a time without possibly a fabric in this universe tearing apart. Furthermore, I believe the same to be true between those that are caught in defying the curse but in varying degrees and stages of the task.

Caught in one's own web....

What is This??

This was pretty cool, had to put it up.

So, I am trying to reckon just what has been going on with me. I am really not so sure. I spend my days trying to fill up my days. I did some reading mostly yesterday. But at times I was just restless and blank. I went for a walk around the house and tetanus laden lawn ornaments even though it was quite cold out. I have been thinking a bit but have not arrived at any conclusions. I had a job interview last week so I am hoping on that to come through. But I am not so sure just because the way things have been going for me. I have not been able to get a crap job but this seems like a 'dream job.' During the interview process I wanted to ask if they were for real or just yanking my chain. At any rate, this was another interview where I got to see some ultra-cool stuff. Which (to end on a good note) has reminded of how truly blessed I have been to see lots of great and wonderful things, places, and people.

Oktober Again

Well, it does seem that October (Oktober in this neck of the woods)is here yet again. Last October, I was on month home from the Selter and had no idea what was going on. I had a couple of prospects, but they shortly faded through. So, in two weeks, I will be home again. Again, I will be without plan nor idea what is going on. Maybe I will sacre up some prospects but at this point I am starting to wonder what is going on. Just how logical is it that I will get some job? I am really stuck to wonder what.....



I was looking on my usb stick to find a certain document. I did not locate such a thing but I rolled across some pictures from last summer. I then decided to take a gander at them. It was cool to see them. I was again enthralled by the Keukenhof pictures. That was a nice trip and such a wonderful view of the gorgeous flowers. I just looked at the pictures and wondered. I am really sure what I am wondering, but I have much to wonder about. These flowers here, just seem to enliven my curioisity.

Springtime is a time of things that spring.

10 years Huh

Well, later tonight is my 10-year High School reunion. As I am here I will not be there to join. I kind of wish that I could be there. It would be cool to meet up with some of my old friends. Also, while in Oregon I could connect with some friends and family. It seems that it would just be good to be with the same people that I spent my days with back then. It might tell me something about myself. But since I cannot be there I am fine to live with that. I will not have any reservations for now. Besides, that part of my life is 10-years gone. In some ways though, I do feel like maybe I have not moved along. But I do feel like I have grown quite a bit, quite some.

Gather the Flood

The world is tough, what shall we do? Let us not look at the hardships but look to the river of blessings.

The Lord lead his people out of bondage Egypt. He guided Moses to rally the people and stand up to Pharaoh. Even Moses faltered, but the Lord was with him. So great and amazing things happened. We have the promise of Jesus and the Holy Spirit; the Lord is with us.

Thought

Well, lately I have been quite busy with work. This of course creates the need to have some time not at work. This need can be real pressing at times. Yesterday was just one of those times and it just happened that I had the day off, PTL. So after some needed rest, I headed out to Amstelveen. I was interested in the COBRA Museum. This is a pretty good place though they do have a lot of building for the amount of work that is available for viewing. The main (only) exhibit was about a Dutch painter, Corneille. I really enjoyed his work. I feel that he captured this land and life well. His drawings almost look abstract, but for a change I can see something in them. So I have also had some time to think lately. I am not sure of any conclusions that I have come to nor any that I need to come to. But I do feel that I have ruminated my mind a bit. I look forward to more. Amstelveen is also a cool place. They have a nice, seemingly new, square. There is a nice mall that is of course crafted into multiple buildings. I may venture back if the time comes my way.

What I Do

So I like windmills for some reason. They are nice machines. Back in the day there were lots of nice machines that people made. They seem more ingenious to me than all of the modern machines. Anyway, I like to ride by the windmills at Zaan Schanse. Also, I take lots of pictures of them. So here are a few more of the pictures to post here. I cannot really post my memories from my ride the other day. They just are hard to put down in words. Peace, I felt, along with being free and a crispness. Air is also nice to breathe in cleanly.

So here a couple of pictures of windmills that I took. Enjoy, soon I will post more pictures on my webshots account. I updated it a few weeks ago.

What the... Wait a Minute

Well, more fun (or something) ensues in Amsterdam for myself. Having a free afternoon, I decided to go down to the new main library. I have heard some good things about this place. Of course, nary a word about books have I heard. Even as I have been sitting here and walking about, I have not yet seen the books that you would think that would be in a library. But, most certainly they must be around here somewhere. They do have hundreds (literaly) of magazines and a few scores of newspapers; some in other languages (and formats unfortunately). There are also countless cd's and dvd's. They have a bunch of computers and even some mac's.

But I am not here to review this 7-story plex of information. One can check this article about the library. This caused me to think and then say a "What the f#@!" It speaks of this library and some of the offereings being somewhat geared towards the folks of Amsterdam. But I am looking out and see the red light district. Come on people, this is your city. How can they just ignore that and present themselves as not having that big, ugly mole on their forehead? Just what do the people of this city care about all of this mind enhancing stuff in this library.

I could go on about that complexing stuff but I will not. But there is something more important. That something is not about this skin we find ourselves in nor the power of the mind. Truly, it involves the spirit deep within that extends beyond this short life we find ourselves immersed into and focused on. Will they see it and grasp life?

Tall Men, Short Men, and Us

I have been reading The Old Curiousity Shop. It is a pretty good book. It has gotten me to thinking. Which is one reason why I like reading such books. I was reading in chapter 19 about giants and dwarves. This chapter is in an overnight house where mostly performing type men have gathered. They were discussing aging giants and what is done with them along the lines of the business. Many folks turned out back in the day to see giants and other oddities at the travelling shows and the like. These days, maybe the bearded lady and the fat guy at the fair but even those are somewhat cliche nowadays. As a people we probably feel that we have moved on past the stage of paying to see these freaks do mundane or extraordinary things. But the story conjures up an interesting thought.

Have we really changed as a people? Maybe, it is just that giants and dwarves have been let out in the common. We all have seen them around doing the same things that we do. They are no longer oddities that we pay to see. This is just something to think on as we still may have these tendencies within ourselves. So, as we approach people that do not fit into the normal molds of our society, let us too think of this.